Noun

[Origin: 1740–50; < F étiquette, MF estiquette ticket, memorandum, deriv. of estiqu(i)er to attach, stick ] 

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I much more of a writer than an oral communicator. And so the advent of the internet has been to my advantage. Work has honed my work communicative skills but I seem less able to apply it to my personal life in situations involvong myself. Patients say that I am easy to talk to and friends say i give good advice but that last step of talking of my pleasures/fears is a few years behind that. But I am improving.

Then there is the internet which adds more things into the mix. Instant written communication. Social networking. Sand has added me as a friend on facebook. Nothing wrong with that. Apart from the fact that it has taken him about 18 months to do. And of course the question (one that we ask patients presenting for the first time) is why now when you've had it for so long?

I have theories, but we'll have to see.

Our relationship is still quite internet based despite the fact that we live much closer to each other now. A couple of reasons for that - it's what we're used to, our schedules make phone conversations unpredictable, the manipulative ex of his.

Yet despite this I still am unsure of the right thing to do. However I guess that is more from the emotional side on my part than technical and societal standards.

I found out I passed the exam I took at the end of July - two down, one to go!

And the boiler packed in. It clicked, it whirred, it fired up then turned orange and smelled of burning. And water went everywhere.

They are replacing the gas main and one of the workers had a look - and it is condemned...

Saves on the gas bill I guess!

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Quiet pub with music playing that is just right for discussion. Just the right number of people for a Tuesday night. Darts league playing in the next room. More barmaids than really needed, and a range of age from Betty Turpin to Raquel Wolstenhulme.

Easy going conversation, jokes and enquiries into work and life and how things are panning out.

Well, that is what it was like for the last twenty minutes of the evening. The other hour and a half had HairDye there (she's mentioned in an early post) who initially was "only going to be there for ten minutes".

Which we spent together prior to his arrival.

"Met anyone nice?" To which I reply in the negative.

And has tried to make me go on a blind date. Had considered Sand but "he is too unsuitable for other people".

Great.

Sand and Hairdye are pretty much surrogate boyfriend and girlfriend - which he dislikes.

And so no opportunity for a clear the air. No resolution. The situation remains lingering, (not only emotional but his hands in a place where friends don't go in a goodbye embrace)...

There is potential. So much potential. The question is do we have the guts to go for it?

Well, it's a drink tonight.

Probably won't get started till ten.

And pubs shut at eleven.

Not a long time.

Will see how the vibes go.

Shall see how the conversation pans out...

Well, the date has been tentatively set for some time next week. I'm getting cold feet as things dawn on me that this will be the end of the dream. But it needs to be done.

The mixed messages continue nwith some downright bizarre comments. Is this a test? Of my commitment, my feelings, my wants, my needs?

Hmmph. Who knows.

The one thing really stopping me from doing this is the feeling that I would really be positive in his life, that I could enhance it.

And it's quite scary having this self-belief. Or partial self-belief. I don't quite know what to do with it.

So yes, I come out of this with positives. But I feel kind of cheated that I'm not being allowed to maximise it.

Let the games desist.

Skip to the bottom for the good video if you want to avoid the thrice yearly pontification .

The last one is here so lets see how we have got on!

Work
1. Second part of postgraduate qualification taken. Now a matter of waiting for the results.
2. Achieved enough in my assessments to move on to the next training post. And got some very nice references and comments from the staff there. And I really, really enjoyed the job.
3. I've had a bigger period of growth in my last job than I have done for a year or so which has been really positive. I've discovered more of the human condition and what I can bring to my role and what I need to learn/be open to to progress.

Life
1. The people that I care about, all-in-all, seem to be in good fettle. It gives me a great lift to see people happy and content. And in one or two cases I have helped influence which is always satisfying.
2. New housemate has moved in and I have made the right choice. And discovered I like interviewing people.

Things To Build On
1. Need to get back into the fitness regime following the knee problems - and as I'm staying here for a further 16 months I am going to join the gym.
not quite worked out, lots of walking to work but I am now, for the first time, a gym member so we shall see how that goes on
2. Revision for aforementioned exams.  The next stop will either be the third and final part or re-doing part two. We shall see.
3. Still feel shy round the new gang of people,  need to try and show my light a bit better. I think that is just a matter of time rather than anything else.
not the greatest progress, little contact due to the vagaries of my last department but I am freer now.

and adding to the list...

4. Big six months at work. Time to really focus now. I didn't realise it when it all started 11 years ago but I'm in touching distance of where I need to be, but this last stretch will be the hardest of them all.
5. Sand. I've reached the point where things have become so murky, so unclear, so riven with miscommunication that a clear-the-air needs to take place. To have reached this point I have had to realise that I am going to hear what I do not want to hear. And I need to hear if I am to recover the friendship that we have and need to continue. And to continue my growth as a person that, ultimately, will have made the past three years of my life a success even if the outcome is not one that I would have chose. 

It's crunch time folks, and it's 95 to 5 against I'm afraid.

And here is your treat one of the tunes that I busted my moves to on Saturday

There was also this one but the people dancing in the front created so much movement that the white noise made the song inaudible.

Sometimes you don't need to understand the lyrics to songs to enjoy them.

And then you find them and love them more!

Ventilaor R-80 - Ojos de Brujo

Si este mundo anda perdío
Y no encuentras la razón
Échate una buena rumba y baila! Baila! Baila!
No pa olvidar, sino pa llevarlo mejor escucha!!!

La mochila que llevamos
va cargaita de piedras
del abismo ya nos viene
esta mala condición
sólo nos queda la rumba
y una buena bulería
un bailecito por tangos
y el cante del Camarón

a belembembé a belembembá
tímbero suena la rumba
tímbero suénala ya!!!

Tímbero!!!
Tímbero!!!

La mochila que llevamos
Va cargaita de piedras
Del abismo ya nos viene
Esta mala condición
Sólo nos queda la rumba
Y una buena bulería
Un bailecito por tangos
Y el cante del Camarón

A belembembé a belembembá
Tímbero suena la rumba
Tímbero suénala ya!!!

Tímbero!!!
Tímbero!!!

Ventilaor Rumba 80

If this world has lost its way
and you can’t find any reason
get yourself a good rumba and dance! dance! dance!
not to forget, but to make it all better listen!!!

The backpack we carry
is loaded full of rocks
it comes from the abyss
this bad condition
all we’ve got is the rumba
and a good bulería
a little dance to tangos
and Camarón singing his cante

a belembembe a belembembá
timbero play the rumba
timbero play it now!!!….

timbero!!!
timbero!!!

The backpack we carry
is loaded full of rocks
it comes from the abyss
this bad condition
all we’ve got is the rumba
and a good bulería
a little dance to tangos
and Camarón singing his cante

a belembembe a belembembá
timbero play the rumba
timbero play it now!!!….

timbero!!!
timbero!!!

Now, readers of my blog know I take this subject seriously and think it is a seriously misrepresented and underrecognised problem.

Use it wisely my friends or it'll be a case of "Cheque, please!"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7530867.stm

Well, on the blog front. A bit limited due to my current night shifts and impending exam. Trying to memorise the renal tubular acidoses and clinical features of tuberous sclerosis among other things!

I am getting succour from a few of the blogs here so keep it up

And here's a video because everything will be ok: