Well, the date has been tentatively set for some time next week. I'm getting cold feet as things dawn on me that this will be the end of the dream. But it needs to be done.

The mixed messages continue nwith some downright bizarre comments. Is this a test? Of my commitment, my feelings, my wants, my needs?

Hmmph. Who knows.

The one thing really stopping me from doing this is the feeling that I would really be positive in his life, that I could enhance it.

And it's quite scary having this self-belief. Or partial self-belief. I don't quite know what to do with it.

So yes, I come out of this with positives. But I feel kind of cheated that I'm not being allowed to maximise it.

Let the games desist.