Cogitated & Digested

And more here.

As a doctor-in-utero I took a year out of my studies to do a degree and some experience in International Health. It looked at the reasons behind poor health across the world and the various merits and drawbacks of trying to improve it.

One of the best sessions we had was by an engineer. He probably did more to improve health than any doctor, nurse, government official or charity. He went through sanitation and toilet design for us. I think even now five years on I could build a rudimentary but safe toilet with anti-fly vent.

Sanitiation is still a key factor in improving health. Clean water and toilets mean less diarrhoeal disease (which still kills hundreds of thousands of children a year), improves nutrition and as a knock on effect can be a stimulus for improved education and "development".

So check out World Toilet Day.

And play Turdlywinks.

Well, you know, I think I just might.

After yesterdays evening's events it took me a while to take it all in and get to sleep. I've surprised myself with how I feel about the situations and protagonists involved.

Waking this morning I felt good. That a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

There is still mutual care, affection between us. I'm glad that we can have a close friendship. I'm glad HairDye isn't the one that has "captured" him. Though if he were to find someone I would genuinely be happy for him. I think she was a bit to contemporaneous and too close for direct for comparison to really accept her as a worthy victor.

That makes me feel very human, and a bit nasty.

I actually feel sympathy for her, she is going through what I have gone through for the last two years. Fallen for his charms, the reciprocation teasing that there is something there but no appetite for completion.

Moreover, I'm appreciating more about what could be between me and BlueLight. It's early days, there are no great expectations, but there is potential.

And I look forward to it.

¡Liberación!

A meal.

Some witty observations.

Some help with his work-based problems.

Back to mine, a cup of tea (for two).

A few hours in, tentatively - the nitty gritty.

Musings.

Suspicions? Confirmed

Answers? A few.

Mercifully, enough.

And so as we head to our beds, the friendship will be there in the morning. Of that I am glad.

Whatever else, whatever it was called

Fin

Quick stop by. Back from beautiful Barcelona and a nice family holiday. I shall share some of that later.

I left on Friday morning after receiving a "I'm bored at home please give me some succour" message. Well, that is how I interpreted it. I've decided I've no time for niceties and that didn't really have anything of substance to reply to so, as hard as it was, I left it.

It certainly helped being a couple of countries away and when the phone went on this lunchtime there was "Hey fella. Just wondered if you had time for a curry or a snack or something some evening this week. Let me know if you are about eh? "

Well, that's more like it. So we're off out this evening. What's going to happen? I don't know. I'm going to try and make something happen.

Fingers crossed.

A rather good synopsis of the problems facing social workers and society at large after the Baby P case.

Time to crucify social workers

A friend or neighbor (sic) whom you need to contact might be in and out all day, dear Leo, and therefore you could have trouble reaching them. Phone or e-mail probably won't work, as your friend might be too busy to check messages. The best way to reach them could be just to hop in the car and try to catch them wherever they might be. Take the side streets, however. The main drags are probably clogged with traffic!

Now even my faithful Yahoo daily astrology is trying to change my ways. Well, I don't have time to do that even if I was to turn up unannounced at work or home. Which would confirm his worst fears about everything.

In the meantime things all seem to be going well with BlueLight, spent a rather nice couple of days chez his. Yesterday spent the day pottering whilst he was at work and shopped prior to cooking meal for the pair of us.

Off to see the switch on of the lights then off to Barcelona with the family tomorrow. All good

The nights are over. Two weeks of leave begin. I did my best to try and correct my body clock but I have dozed for the best part of 9 hours now so I don't holdout much hope.

One thing that dozing does do is make your dreams easier to recollect. I also think they reflect your conciousness more - less delving into the deeper aspects of your psyche and more in what's going trough your thoughts at the time.

Sand has populated a couple over the last few days. I wake up and then it dawns that they weren't true. All the dreams have been about is arranging to meet up. The last one had him saying he couldn't manage more than a couple of hours via a text message.

I thought of the song Warwick Avenue:

When I get to Warwick Avenue
We’ll spend an hour but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you the answers now here’s the door

Its still quite sad and raw. I know that we would have been able to meet up if there was the will power on his part. He says he is busy and unsure of my shifts. Repeatedly I've said just call me and we can arrange something. He's not far away. He visits our town quite frequently to see HairDye.

I think that is what hurts more than anything - it's like a lack of respect for what we have had. I'm starting why he seems to attract demanding manipulative people because it is the only way to get him to do things.

But I don't want to go down that road, I really don't. I've too much pride in myself to do that. That's a positive I guess, to take from it all.

"Aww sweet" I can here him and others say. It does kind of instil the belief that nice guys and gals finish last.

I am looking forward to seeing BlueLight tomorrow. I feel really bad that I still have these thoughts about Sand, that it is not cleared up and sorted. It's time to practice what I preach about making things work and making a decision and sticking to it. Relationships require work and sometimes you need a different style of person to make it work properly.

We'll see.

As Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young say...

The debate grumbles on about what to do about the Olympic Stadium in London after the end of the Olympics in 2012.

I agree completely with what Lamine Diack says. How many football stadiums are there in London? Do we really need another. And even if there has to be football involved, would it be so terrible to have an athletics track around it in one stadium.

I think Britain deserves a world class athletics stadium. After the travesty of Pickett's Lock (London was supposed to host the 2005 World Athletics Championships but couldn't due to stadium issues), Wembley being a national football rather than a national stadium, here is a golden opportunity to correct those.

Middle night almost finished. The end in sight. Brought some ironing in to do at a quiet moment which fortunately I had.

Things left to do: presentation for next Tuesday on brain tumours. Was looking at a list of famous people who had had tumours to break up the presentation and make it a bit more interesting.

Also wrote another Sand letter. I'm happy with this one. I may actually send it if he doesn't grace me with his presence.

Back to glioblastomas!

Now we are post Guy Fawkes this is the time of year that plans for the last two weeks of the year really begin in earnest. In the old training system we used to change jobs every six months, beginning in August. So you would know from the start what the Christmas/New Year held for you.

Now a lot of posts are four monthly: August-November, December-March, April-July. So it is nearly time for me to change again. I quite like these posts - it gives you sufficient time to get a good taster but also short enough to move on to other specialties.

The downside is a new set of faces and procedures every four months. I've been trying to let my new employers know about me a good six weeks before starting. Also quite important for this time of year when loved ones want to know what you are doing for Christmas and New Year.

I spoke to a very friendly secretary who said she was glad I had called as they had no information about me. This despite me filling in numerous forms to the deanery on what seems like an hourly basis with my name, my photo and a lot of irrelevant info. Shame they can't pass it on to the places where I will be working.

The hospice seemed quite keen to get to know me with a CV and a meeting arranged before I start. So hopefully, I will be able to make plans for the holiday period. New Year's Eve is pencilled in with BlueLight. Which is quite scary as I am not a fan of new year and I've never actually "been" with anyone in new year which confuses me etiquette wise.

When I am able to do New Year's parties in the future I shall confiscate evey timepiece and we shall party our way through with no fake countdowns and cringeworthy audience participation songs.

Sand has two names. He's one of these chaps who has three forenames then his surname. The third is his grandfather's name. The first two are interchangeable. I see where he is coming from beacuse my mum had a similar problem. Her first name is the one she goes by name, but her second name is what my Grandma and her family called my mum. She didn't like it because she considered it a boys name. However, as the numbers of ther family dwindle to the last remaining people I think she is finding it easier to cope with.

Sand struggles with the two. And they are far from abnormal names. Thomas, Edward anyone? I always initially new him as Thomas or Tom. His family/friends call him Ed/Edward. I think Tom has become his "special interest" (i.e. man love) name. Yesterday he changed his facebook name ot include both. Now my psychoanalytical crap in me thinks this may be significant, that he is becoming more accepting of his identity and who he is.

I saw this after a wee conversation with him last night in which I explicitly said I was keen to meet up with him to clear the air. He seems a bit oblivious to it all and didn't realise anything was wrong. I tried to reassure and say I was just being sensitive but that I would value some time. So we'll see. He's a soft lad but he's icredibly hard to stay angry at.

I need to keep my do-gooder hat far, far away when we do have our tete a tete.

Pinocchio went down well on Saturday with his fellow Corpse Bride, Dracula, Egyptian, Frankenstein et al. I was on rather sparkling form with the Balderdash films synopses. I think I'd like to be a film commissioner.

Had fun last night with a Crowded House tribute band, sang along and enjoyed myself with a revision book.

The clear the air talks with Sand yesterday failed to materialise due to a tummy bug on his part. Ill for three days apparently but still managed to head out on Saturday and no doubt managed to see James Bond last night.

Vindication will be mine. I know because my soundtrack songs are all of the moving on type.

Looking forward to seeing her at the end of the month.