The nights are over. Two weeks of leave begin. I did my best to try and correct my body clock but I have dozed for the best part of 9 hours now so I don't holdout much hope.

One thing that dozing does do is make your dreams easier to recollect. I also think they reflect your conciousness more - less delving into the deeper aspects of your psyche and more in what's going trough your thoughts at the time.

Sand has populated a couple over the last few days. I wake up and then it dawns that they weren't true. All the dreams have been about is arranging to meet up. The last one had him saying he couldn't manage more than a couple of hours via a text message.

I thought of the song Warwick Avenue:

When I get to Warwick Avenue
We’ll spend an hour but no more than two
Our only chance to speak once more
I showed you the answers now here’s the door

Its still quite sad and raw. I know that we would have been able to meet up if there was the will power on his part. He says he is busy and unsure of my shifts. Repeatedly I've said just call me and we can arrange something. He's not far away. He visits our town quite frequently to see HairDye.

I think that is what hurts more than anything - it's like a lack of respect for what we have had. I'm starting why he seems to attract demanding manipulative people because it is the only way to get him to do things.

But I don't want to go down that road, I really don't. I've too much pride in myself to do that. That's a positive I guess, to take from it all.

"Aww sweet" I can here him and others say. It does kind of instil the belief that nice guys and gals finish last.

I am looking forward to seeing BlueLight tomorrow. I feel really bad that I still have these thoughts about Sand, that it is not cleared up and sorted. It's time to practice what I preach about making things work and making a decision and sticking to it. Relationships require work and sometimes you need a different style of person to make it work properly.

We'll see.

As Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young say...