Cogitated & Digested

The street outside my house is to get CCTV, one at each end of the road. I'm not entirely sure where the camera closest to me will be, but it'll be darn close.

Apparently the cameras are to deal with "low-level nuisance over the last few years and because it is felt that it can prevent crime".

I've been here 18 months and I haven't particularly noticed anything.

I actually feel more unsafe now than before. I'm not sure why - is it because I have missed this "low-level nuisance" or is it because of the greater surveillance of, not only criminals but the general populace too?

With councils using anti-terror legislation to conduct their enquiries, I feel it may be the latter.

1) The older I get, the less organised I become.
I'm sure it's not meant to be that way - surely you grow up and get better at things like that? Take this Seven Things Thing almost a month late. And my revision. I peaked at 16 for my GCSEs - a miracle I've got as far as I have. I'm also now less tidy - which irks me - and I'm now more of a hoarder.

2) I'm afraid of the barbershop
I don't like going. I know what to ask for now but it took me years to work out how to ask for it. It's probably due to the soup incident at the age of four. Plus, I don't like sitting in front of mirrors which can be a bit of a nuisance in some restaurants.

3) I'm also afraid of being the sole customer in shops
I rarely go into shops if I am the only customer, or if I do I minimise time there. I think I'm scared I'll be accused of shoplifting or, worse, the shop assistant will come up to me and ask if I need help.

4) I get angry once every six months.
Obviously things irk me from time-to-time but I do think I'm quite placid/laid back. What will be will be. However, twice a year I will get absolutely livid for often no apparent reason. I'll just be in a foul mood. Mutter to myself and charge round the house or listen to music loudly. It'll last a couple of hours then it's done for the season after next.

5) Ducks are the complete animal.
Cute as babies, enthralling as couples waddling along the road, utterly delicious after an hour in my oven.

6) I don't collect anything (number 1 accepted of course)
But if I did, I'd collect clocks and maps. I love the elegance of a classical clock-face and the beauty of the mechanics of the mechanisms. And maps are fascinating records of nature and man's effect on the landscape.

7) We concentrate too much on difference
When you see the poor and the rich, the Western and Eastern, the good and the bad die every day, you know that the fundamental difference between individuals is zero.

While browsing today I noticed, to my mind anyway, this incendiary piece in the Daily Mail.

According to the new statistics, published yesterday, foreign-born people make up one in nine of the population of the UK as a whole.

However although the figures from the Government's Office for National Statistics show an increase in numbers of foreign born people they still fail to record the true impact of immigration because they record their children as British rather than second or third generation immigrants.

Source: One in nine people living in Britain now born overseas as 300,000 more foreigners settle in the UK

So I'm not British, though I was born in the heart of the Midlands and have probably spent less time abroad than your average family who may spend a week abroad in Spain etc a year. Not to mention those with homes aborad. Nor are Harry or William because their grandfather was born abroad. That foreigner Winston Churchill as well with an American mother no less.

What about the old empire? Do they count as British? In which case my family has been fully British since 1815 and not just the Welsh side of it.

You see, it's not that easy.

I know I shouldn't rise to this trash but it should be challenged. And it does make you feel alive.

The exam is not too long off. I have some study leave now mercifully. Whether it'll be enough I don't know - I know I should have revised more but I let myself be distracted by work too much.

I missed the bigger goal in life by concentrating on the short-term. I hope it won't be to my cost.

I haven't been very lucky either at work lately. That's not to say that things have been bad - I'm still really enjoying the job and value what I do there. But cases haven't been so good. I'm hoping my luck will turn. Passing the exam is a lot about luck - having cases or scenarios that you have dealt with before. The key part to revision is to increase your luck.

And I haven't been able to do that.

So I'll have to run with the luck I've got!

My parents now know about my special interests. I told them in November. Why? When I've known for most of my life?

A few reasons. One, realising that I could have a relationship with somebody. It made it all more real. Two, the hints from my father about when I was going to get married and who I'd get married to. I was worried I was about to be introduced to someone as a potential date.

He, and to a lesser extent my mother, are quite avid followers of one of the three great monotheistic religions. I haven't specified which one so we don't get tied down in the "Bible/Torah/Qu'ran says X/Y/Z". Suffice to say, none of them were initiated at a time when what I feel was allowed.

We actually spent more time talking about religion, faith, belief, than anything else. My dear father wanted to understand. He cannot understand, in the same way that I cannot understand his faith. What I do, though, is respect his faith and beliefs. Which is why I refuse to pay lip service and pretend to practise for the sake of an easy life with him.

I'm not sure if he fully gets that yet.

I love him more than anything, but I cannot be perfect for him.

I know he thinks he has failed. He wasn't at all religious until the last ten years or so. Nowt so zealous as a convert. If he was more orthodox then, surely I wouldn't have turned to the ways of the devil?

That's why it took me so long to say. He hasn't failed. He nurtured us and cared for us and allowed us to grow uninhibited.

One thing has stuck from my teenage years. I recall him saying to someone that children are always closer to their mothers than fathers. Whilst in a talking way I am closer to my mother, my father's death will affect me more deeply and profoundly than my mother's.

Even though we are not speaking well at the moment, I love my parents more now than I ever have done.

I just hope it's a matter of time.